morning

Did you know that my name, Lucy, means light?

I wasn't a Roman child born at dawn (the typical recipients of this name back in the day) but I was born at  I think 10 AM. They thought I was going to be a boy, and would have named me "Luke" in that case.

Many years ago, maybe even when I was 12, my mother gave me a little card that talks about the meaning of my name. It's so silly, the little things people give you that you hold on to and put up somewhere in every room you live in. I have this card from my mom, a letter from my sister, a note from my dad, and a couple of pictures that have walked with me through life since I received them, as tiny reminders of my family's love and faith in me.

The card from my mom lists under my name three words: "delightful, clear-sighted, caring". Sometimes it makes me giggle to think about them, because in truth, these three words are really the core of who I am when I am the best version of myself.

I was talking to a friend the other day about just that--the different versions of yourself. My sister has this sweet, higher voice when she meets grown-ups for the first time or has to talk on the phone, and it's funny because I'm exactly the same way. At my job, customer service essentially, helping people fix their computers/sometimes explaining what the word "browser" means to PhD professors, I have aquired my sweet calming phone voice. I love it, and sometimes it comes out without me meaning to use it.

I had one friend in Vienna who brought out the sweetest side of me. There was one afternoon a bunch of us spent cooking together, right at the beginning of our romance, and I felt like I was walking on air. The sweetest version of me was dancing around, taking control of my body and making it weightless. After everyone left, I had this crazy amount of energy and made myself go out into the courtyard and play guitar like crazy until my blood calmed down.

But I also know the worst side of myself---and God has been teaching me lately that that is good too. I tend to be the opposite of a lot of christians I know, in that when times are good I draw close to him. when times are rough, I try to keep doing everything myself and can't bring myself to ask for help, or admit that I did anything wrong. Now that I have experienced myself as the worst version, stuck in the pits of self pity and non-emotion, after having cried so much that I exhausted my tear valves and just stopped--feeling, I have stronger faith in God.

God sticks with me no matter which version of myself I am. He created me to be His light, and to delight in life and beauty. My favorite thing is share this delight with the people in my life--that is when I feel the most like myself. That is the best Lucy---

Do you know what your name means?

-lab