anticipation

How is it that the best part of something good happening in life actually occurs before the event takes place?

I live and breath anticipation, looking forward to something that I have planned to happen. when I was little, I remember counting down the hours and minutes until I would finally get in the car to go over to a friend's house for a birthday party or a sleepover. I would have my bag packed and my coat on and sit on the couch with my stomach a mixture of butterflies and soda pop and ask my mother upteen times "can we leave yet? can we leave yet?". "Fashionably late" was not in my vocabulary...

Especially since being at college, I have come to terms with the fact that my ability to anticipate can result in huge disappointment. I just love spending time with people--it is probably my number one love language. (They include words of encouragement, giving and receiving gifts, quality time, physical touch, and acts of service). So when a friend makes a date with me, I seriously look forward to it and enjoy it. There are certain friends who I now place into the category (lovingly) of "flake-prone". These people, bless their souls, cancel or just plain forget 90% of the time, and it has nothing to do with me. It is just what happens, it is a fact of their personalities and fate combining. Now, whenever we make plans I actively deprive myself the satisfaction of looking forward to seeing them, and thus when they cancel it is okay. Minimal devastation. Plus, when they actually do come through, then it is pure joy at the surprise of ACTUALLY getting to see them, and that makes up for the joy I missed out on by not allowing myself to experience the anticipation...

On the flip side, when I make a plan in advance with someone fantastic AND have 100% assurance that they will make it, bar any catastrophe/natural disaster/pianos falling from the sky, then I get to enjoy the best of both worlds---savoring the days, hours, minutes of anticipation, and then sucking the marrow out of the time we actually get to spend together.

So in other words, Saturday night could not come soon enough, but I have been enjoying every moment leading up to it fully---life could not be sweeter. How is this state of living possible?

-lab