little book

Before my final semester at Wellesley began, I made a new commitment.

I committed myself to trusting God, in all aspects of my life.

Piece by piece, I handed over everything I had tried to hold on to and manage by myself since returning home from my junior year abroad. This included my relationships, with family, friends, and boyfriends. I gave up my past, my present, and my future plans. I asked God to reveal my passions and dreams to me, because I didn't know what they were anymore. I told Him, I would let Him do it His way, because my way was not working.

My goals for the last semester were basic ones. I wanted to succeed in my classes and feel like I could do my work well and be interested in what I was learning. The desire to find a church, and go to it was another major thing. I remember asking my friend Grace for help with even getting myself into a church, since my lack of motivation and tendency to just blow things off was overwhelmingly strong. Sometimes you don't realize how much you needed the support of another Christian until you get it. The next big goal, was to figure out what I wanted to do after graduation. The emphasis is on that word: want. Not what I should do. Not what I would do.

A big part of my commitment to trusting God meant, to me, that I would start trusting that no matter what happened after graduation, I would be OK. So, I focused instead on asking Him, well, what are my gifts? What am I good at, and what gives me joy to do? What would I work a 9-5 crapola job, just so I could do this other thing, and maybe eventually be able to do that for my job?

I guess the reason I'm suddenly thinking about that time of my life (back in January) is because of a little notebook I bought a few weeks ago. It's maybe 1.5 inches wide and 2.5 inches high, with a yellow cover, handmade paper, and a red ribbon bookmark. I bought it like I usually buy notebooks--without any clear idea of what I would write in it. Usually, that part figures itself out.

During my first week of work, I was sitting at my computer and suddenly had an idea. That first week was pretty hard emotionally, because this semester the other big piece I handed over to God was my romantic life (if you give this to God, expect some harsh lessons about yourself!) I needed comfort, and I found it in two verses.

"In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps"- Proverbs 16:9

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; lean not unto thine own understanding, but in all thy ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct thy paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6

These two verses are the first ones written in my little book, and how grateful and blessed I feel to be sitting here at an amazing job one full month after writing these verses down. This semester, God gave me a church, renewed broken and difficult relationships in my life, rekindled my passion for learning, and helped me find my way back to music, and set me up with a job, an apartment, and time to spend with my family. He even, of late, has revealed a side of romance that I never dreamed possible.

God teaches me every day about life, His love, and about how He fulfills His promises. Right now I am confident in this promise: He hears and answers our prayers.

love,
Lucy