Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Friday, July 13, 2012
sound bites
These days, I tend to be very in tune with myself about my musical cravings at any given moment. It takes after my food cravings, in that usually for a few days I have irrepressible urges for the same things over and over, and then they quietly switch to something new and completely different a while later. For a few weeks there, every day at 3 o'clock, it would be necessary for me to eat a bag of fritos. In March I wanted salad with ranch dressing a lot. Usually rootbeer and charleston chews go together.
Some days when I'm a bit down, I want emotional music, maybe even a bit sad, to make me feel better. These two songs seem to have stuck with me since the summer started:
This week was different though--with a radical juxtaposition of happy and angry, I would get to work every morning needing this adorable song:
And find myself driving home late at night, singing along to this one:
All lovely, some happy, some sad.
LB
Some days when I'm a bit down, I want emotional music, maybe even a bit sad, to make me feel better. These two songs seem to have stuck with me since the summer started:
This week was different though--with a radical juxtaposition of happy and angry, I would get to work every morning needing this adorable song:
All lovely, some happy, some sad.
LB
Proverbs
I've put a new Bible verse in my little yellow book, and it's from an e-mail my mom sent me earlier today.
"Better is a dinner of herbs where love is, than a fatted ox and hatred with it." Proverbs 15:17
It has been an awesome week at work, more than a month now on the job. I finally know enough to start working on all of my own projects, so I'm very, very happy. We also helped out a friend of mine by volunteering last minute to host two British girls for the last few days. The Selwyn College Choir from Cambridge University in England is on their first ever US tour, starting in Boston and travelling to New Haven, Philadelphia, New York, and D.C. My brother, grandmother, and I worked together to make our guests, May and Jo, feel welcome and at home. That meant good food, relaxation, music-making and of course, a trip to Kimball Farm for enormous sundaes.
In light of the wonderful experiences I've been having this week, there have been some very serious things on my mind as well. Earlier this week I had what must be my first conflict with a friend in over 4 years (they tend to happen about every 4-5 years with me), and it has left me shocked, hurt, and a bit bewildered.
The situation is so difficult, painful, and complicated, that I feel like there is nothing I really can do to change it right now in any sort of positive way. Walking away, for me, is usually not the solution.
But in this case, I think that's what needs to be done. At least for a while. The verse from Proverbs struck me because I'm not the kind of person who walks away from people in my life (ever), and I also am always more comfortable with putting myself in a dangerous position, because I trust that I have a thick skin. Thinking about what could happen if I were to place myself in the line of fire this time, I know that it would be unnecessary abuse. My friend has made it clear that her idea of a "conversation" is to have me listen to everything she has to say, but I don't think she intends to listen to me.
For now, I will stick to my herbs. Especially since those with love are finally getting back from being away all week.
love,
LB
Friday, July 6, 2012
little book
Before my final semester at Wellesley began, I made a new commitment.
I committed myself to trusting God, in all aspects of my life.
Piece by piece, I handed over everything I had tried to hold on to and manage by myself since returning home from my junior year abroad. This included my relationships, with family, friends, and boyfriends. I gave up my past, my present, and my future plans. I asked God to reveal my passions and dreams to me, because I didn't know what they were anymore. I told Him, I would let Him do it His way, because my way was not working.
My goals for the last semester were basic ones. I wanted to succeed in my classes and feel like I could do my work well and be interested in what I was learning. The desire to find a church, and go to it was another major thing. I remember asking my friend Grace for help with even getting myself into a church, since my lack of motivation and tendency to just blow things off was overwhelmingly strong. Sometimes you don't realize how much you needed the support of another Christian until you get it. The next big goal, was to figure out what I wanted to do after graduation. The emphasis is on that word: want. Not what I should do. Not what I would do.
A big part of my commitment to trusting God meant, to me, that I would start trusting that no matter what happened after graduation, I would be OK. So, I focused instead on asking Him, well, what are my gifts? What am I good at, and what gives me joy to do? What would I work a 9-5 crapola job, just so I could do this other thing, and maybe eventually be able to do that for my job?
I guess the reason I'm suddenly thinking about that time of my life (back in January) is because of a little notebook I bought a few weeks ago. It's maybe 1.5 inches wide and 2.5 inches high, with a yellow cover, handmade paper, and a red ribbon bookmark. I bought it like I usually buy notebooks--without any clear idea of what I would write in it. Usually, that part figures itself out.
During my first week of work, I was sitting at my computer and suddenly had an idea. That first week was pretty hard emotionally, because this semester the other big piece I handed over to God was my romantic life (if you give this to God, expect some harsh lessons about yourself!) I needed comfort, and I found it in two verses.
"In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps"- Proverbs 16:9
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; lean not unto thine own understanding, but in all thy ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct thy paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6
These two verses are the first ones written in my little book, and how grateful and blessed I feel to be sitting here at an amazing job one full month after writing these verses down. This semester, God gave me a church, renewed broken and difficult relationships in my life, rekindled my passion for learning, and helped me find my way back to music, and set me up with a job, an apartment, and time to spend with my family. He even, of late, has revealed a side of romance that I never dreamed possible.
God teaches me every day about life, His love, and about how He fulfills His promises. Right now I am confident in this promise: He hears and answers our prayers.
love,
Lucy
I committed myself to trusting God, in all aspects of my life.
Piece by piece, I handed over everything I had tried to hold on to and manage by myself since returning home from my junior year abroad. This included my relationships, with family, friends, and boyfriends. I gave up my past, my present, and my future plans. I asked God to reveal my passions and dreams to me, because I didn't know what they were anymore. I told Him, I would let Him do it His way, because my way was not working.
My goals for the last semester were basic ones. I wanted to succeed in my classes and feel like I could do my work well and be interested in what I was learning. The desire to find a church, and go to it was another major thing. I remember asking my friend Grace for help with even getting myself into a church, since my lack of motivation and tendency to just blow things off was overwhelmingly strong. Sometimes you don't realize how much you needed the support of another Christian until you get it. The next big goal, was to figure out what I wanted to do after graduation. The emphasis is on that word: want. Not what I should do. Not what I would do.
A big part of my commitment to trusting God meant, to me, that I would start trusting that no matter what happened after graduation, I would be OK. So, I focused instead on asking Him, well, what are my gifts? What am I good at, and what gives me joy to do? What would I work a 9-5 crapola job, just so I could do this other thing, and maybe eventually be able to do that for my job?
I guess the reason I'm suddenly thinking about that time of my life (back in January) is because of a little notebook I bought a few weeks ago. It's maybe 1.5 inches wide and 2.5 inches high, with a yellow cover, handmade paper, and a red ribbon bookmark. I bought it like I usually buy notebooks--without any clear idea of what I would write in it. Usually, that part figures itself out.
During my first week of work, I was sitting at my computer and suddenly had an idea. That first week was pretty hard emotionally, because this semester the other big piece I handed over to God was my romantic life (if you give this to God, expect some harsh lessons about yourself!) I needed comfort, and I found it in two verses.
"In his heart, a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps"- Proverbs 16:9
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; lean not unto thine own understanding, but in all thy ways acknowledge Him and he shall direct thy paths." - Proverbs 3:5-6
These two verses are the first ones written in my little book, and how grateful and blessed I feel to be sitting here at an amazing job one full month after writing these verses down. This semester, God gave me a church, renewed broken and difficult relationships in my life, rekindled my passion for learning, and helped me find my way back to music, and set me up with a job, an apartment, and time to spend with my family. He even, of late, has revealed a side of romance that I never dreamed possible.
God teaches me every day about life, His love, and about how He fulfills His promises. Right now I am confident in this promise: He hears and answers our prayers.
love,
Lucy
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