i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky; and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes
and then the last two lines of my favorite poem:
(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)
I had spent the morning in quiet preparation for my marathon recital (really, it was a monster program, I'm a crazy person). Waking up around 7:30 despite having gone to bed quite late, I finished the program and program notes, ate breakfast, and started to slowly get ready. I decided to wear my dress all day, because it was new and I wanted to feel comfortable in it. Then I headed to Jewett to warm up, to print everything out, and to put up signs.
My favorite part of the morning was after I finished warming up. I thought to myself....time for 1)second breakfast and 2)curling my hair. I've written about doing hair before, but in the context of women all doing each other's hair, and how it's a special thing for us to be together. I have other associations with hair as well. It is always my time in preparation of something, to be alone. To relax, and be quiet. I took care of everything else, and then could go home, and spend 35 minutes just making my hair look beautiful and clearing my mind. After so many years of theatrical performances and concerts, the step where I get to to do my hair and makeup is always what soothes me and really gets me mentally prepared for the concert.
A recital is unique. All of the pressure is on the soloist. The pianist, sure, has some pressure, but really the soloist is the one being showcased, and usually, judged by a music faculty. If the pianist messes up, it's not really a huge deal. In most every other kind of concert, music is created by a group of people working together. Chamber music, choral music, orchestral, ballet music, operatic. The load is shared, and each individual has to play its role within it to function properly. You can be assured that the audience isn't going to be just focusing on you the whole time. (Unless if you're Elizabeth Rowe of the BSO, then yes, I am NOT taking my eyes off you!).
A recital is a mental and physical journey for the performer. The audience stares at you, and with the length usually around an hour, the program typically travels through a range of time periods, contexts, and emotional backgrounds. Like acting, it can be dangerous to put too much of yourself into the expression in the sense that, if it hits too real, it can distract you from the next section. And after each piece, you have to be mentally prepared for what is still to come.
Yesterday I spent the whole day in quiet preparation. The last 15 minutes I had to myself, I spent sitting outside on the curb (yes, in my dress...) listening to my ipod and waiting for my mom to arrive with the food. I have these new headphones that I'm obsessed with. They're actual big ones, they keep my ears warm, and they have great sound quality. The next step from these is the $150 ones that I wasn't willing to splurge for just yet. Those will be first on the wish list if I get a full-time job. I put on Brahms intermezzi and a Chopin nocturne and just sat there in meditation on the music, really thinking about the journey I was about to embark on with my flute music. The Reinecke Sonata and the Prokofiev Sonata have seen such troubled times in my life this year, I feel like they are as much my friends and companions as my a cappella group. I wanted to be sure to present them as honestly and accurately as possible, but to do so in my own unique way. I thought, how wonderful! To be given a beautiful day for such beautiful music. And a beautiful new dress, too.
That is what I love about classical music. It's old news---but every musician, even a little kid, can take it, live it with, and present it to you as something new. Something they've poured themselves into.
When you watch someone perform a recital, I think you learn a lot about them. You experience their endurance and their transformation from your friend in class to an artist with a whole secret life. My brother got it right in the introduction to his program for his violin recital a few weeks ago, when he said that violin was one part of his life he felt most of his friends didn't know. But it is a very important part of the jigsaw puzzle, maybe even one of the corners. I hope everyone who came yesterday feels like maybe they know me a little better. Wellesley folks hardly ever get to see me play flute (especially because I practice at all kinds of odd hours of the day). A few parts of each piece I feel like are...well, me in a nutshell. A bit fanciful and dreamy, but then very real, even harsh in that respect.
I guess this started about one topic and turned into another---
maybe I've just been listening to too much Mahler (the whole C# minor to D major symphony, wtf?!?)
-lab
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